I recently participated in a lively podcast where the host and I wandered through a range of ideas around wellness, connection, trauma-responsive communication, aspiration, and all things hopeful and uplifting.
The final few minutes got heavy though. We rumbled with the reverberations of the Tridemic, and the fear, suffering, racism, violence, and discord that permeate our current existence.
Suddenly we both sounded so very, very tired.
The list of harm feels endless, and the impact of the primary, secondary, and vicarious trauma we are absorbing is unquantifiable.
Then, the host put me on my heels with their final question:
So, Dr. K., what do we do? How do we stop each other from breaking? How do we prevent everything from breaking?
I heard the hope in their voice as the question was asked, and I recognized the heart-tug from someone seeking reassurance. I, too, find myself continually casting about for light in the darkness; for an answer from sages; for what I snarkily refer to as any damn adultier adult in the room…
When you’re on air, seconds feel like minutes and minutes feel like eternity in hell. I sat there long enough for the flames to lick my feet before stepping into this uncomfortable truth:
Maybe we can’t.
Maybe things are just going to break.
Maybe that is where the opportunity lies.
Maybe things need to break.
Maybe this is a chance to finally acknowledge and engage with one another from the universality of our brokenness, without fear or shame.
Maybe Broken is an opportunity to sift through the pieces, mindfully choose the beautiful and useful bits of value, and build something better.
Maybe from Broken we will finally recognize the fundamental truth that we need each other.
Maybe Broken is inevitable…
and, Broken isn’t how the story ends.
Our world is steeped in transgenerational trauma, complicated by our unique experiences, sensitivities, and processing. The journey is not one we’re meant to undertake alone: We are hardwired for connection, for co-regulation, and for co-creation.
Whether with family, friends, colleagues, or clients, one of my greatest joys is to bear witness to what I call our Becoming.
That I have the honor of walking alongside so many adultish travelers - brilliant men, women, and children - as we Become more than we could ever hope to alone, brings me immeasurable joy.
Broken is not the obstacle: it is our Path.
Also to be forever filed under Reasons I Love My Profession: I got memed.
I was so delighted I shared it with a small circle of friends who, predictably, piled on with the missing swears and numerous additional Dr. BossyDuck-isms (Go to bed! Stop consulting Dr. Google!)
A whole game was birthed in which the things I apparently "constantly say” were laid bare.
I genuinely do love all my people. And so, if ever I offer you anything of value, let it be this:
Your brokenness does not diminish your brilliance.
Your shadows do not extinguish your light.
And the world needs you.
All of you.
Tend to your sleep
Check your people
Let your people check you
And don’t forget to hydrate
Dr. BossyDuck 🐥
P.S. Great news!
Lodestar’s 2022 Winter/Spring Trauma-Mitigation Master Classes for professional coaches are now open!
Enroll early and get 10% off class price. Use coupon code: TraumaMitigation
2021 filled fast, so reserve your spot early!