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The Answer is Us

Pain teaches us the most counterintuitive thing – that we must go down before we even can know what up is. Suffering of some sort seems the only thing strong enough to destabilize our arrogance and our ignorance. For if we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.

Fr. Richard Rohr


Dear Everyone:

Uncertainty always breeds intense discomfort. Unfortunately, in our headlong sprint away from the discomfort of these times, we can all-too-easily position ourselves at binary poles, wildly waving the false flag of CERTAINTY. This positioning isn't healthy; not for mind, soul or body. We live in truly uncertain times, and we all are grappling with the emotional and psychological discomfort it creates. The unpredictability and haziness of path has served to compound the unrelenting, toxic stress so many are experiencing. We should remain mindful of the risks inherent in binary thinking. CERTAINTY is often a superhighway to nowhere, leading to a mirage named SAFETY.

{{Meanwhile, the fundamental truth that safety is illusory seems to be lost on us all}}


Everywhere I look right now, I see trauma. I know. Occupational hazard with a little confirmation bias thrown in. But truly: I see trauma everywhere. I see it in physician colleagues, nurses and other healthcare workers, in teachers, in administrators, in business owners, in parents, in students, in essential workers... in all of us. I hear it in your phone calls, email, Facebook posts and text messages. Trauma demands a response: it will either be mitigated or discharged. There is no third path. I know that real-time trauma mitigation can help, and that we are all capable of doing this for and with each other. Effective trauma mitigation requires connection and intention.

Connection mitigates trauma

The alternative – trauma discharged – always amplifies harm to self and others, regardless of where it is directed. It fractures relationships, derails or destroys careers, and leaves an ongoing legacy of harm. And far too often, trauma discharge is lethal.


Learning to connect and intentionally hold space in a manner that responds to and mitigates the trauma (Big T or little t) that shows up in others is an essential skill we all are capable of learning. It starts with this truth: we all carry places of harm. There’s no shame in harm. There’s no shame in trauma. There’s no shame in pain. And there’s no shame in wanting and needing to connect with others who will hold space for us to tell the truth of our lives, even as they tell us the truth of theirs. Yes, it is hard. And we can do hard things with and for each other


Wherever you are this week and whatever you’re experiencing, you are not alone. Others are experiencing it, too. Others are mucking along and trying to figure it out, too. Others are learning and stumbling and hurting and searching for their joy, too. You are not alone.


Seek connection. Pursue joy. Play and laugh. It is necessary to take time to restore. It is wise to reset. It is ok to rest. And please #Hydrateit is HOT out there. Stay safe and kind. More soon, Dr. K #Lodestar #TraumaMitigation #Connection #Transform #NarrativeCoaching


Ready for a next step in your personal or professional journey? Schedule a free Discovery Call today! Are you a coach looking for advanced training and skills in Trauma-Mitigation? Lodestar has only a few spaces remaining in our ICF accredited coaching master class! Just want more everything? Never miss a blog, thinky-thought, or tip for managing Face-Eating Bear! Sign up at Lodestar today.


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