Dear Everyone:
I had a lengthy missive written and ready for this week’s edition of Cereal with Hand-Poured Milk when a dear friend and mentor stopped by my office to catch up. We had one of those wonderful, meandering conversations that explored our thinking and learning while also challenging underlying beliefs and assumptions.
We focused on the beauty of the human mind and our capacity to ReFrame our thinking and ReWire patterns and habits – even the most deeply engrained – when they are no longer in service to our purpose.
We began with this shared belief: Feelings follow, they don’t lead.
The discussion was rich and nuanced, and as he left it occurred to me that I needed to ReWrite.
Sigh.
(seriously. this goes against my entire “what can we half-ass without harm” philosophy…)
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One of our most common, unconscious beliefs is the erroneous idea that Feelings Come First.
In truth, feelings follow.
Feelings follow thinking.
Feelings follow doing.
When we finally learn, understand and lean into the truth that feelings follow, a whole host of opportunities open up. This realization provides tremendous hope and beauty because it means there are two points of intervention to change how we feel about ourselves, our situation, the world around us.
We can change our thinking.
We can change our doing.
ReFrame to ReWire.
Simple. And not easy.
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This isn’t an exercise in rah-rah toxic positivity (y'all know I'd never do that). This is the deep work of becoming. Of asking ourselves, “who do I want to BE as I move through this world? Is my thinking and my doing in service to my goals? To my purpose?”
Learning to recognize those well-worn thought paths that lead in a direction we no longer want to travel is a key.
I call it the Superhighway to Nowhere - a six-lane highway of negativity, self-doubt, cynicism, anger, catastrophizing, paralysis and fear. If I fail to tend my thinking, I can be 50 miles down the road before I even realize I’ve pulled up the onramp (again!)
Habits of thought become “paths” through our brain, and when utilized repeatedly those paths become wider, clearer, and easier to step onto with each subsequent use. The trick is learning to notice and step into choice.
Choose the thinking that serves our purpose.
Choose the actions that serve our purpose.
The feelings will follow...
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Are your days aligned with your purpose? What might help move you from where you are to who you want to be?
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In life, as in fiction, we can always ReWrite our story.
Remember to laugh and play.
Connect with who and what matters.
And don’t forget to hydrate.
More soon,
Dr. K