Updated: May 27
Never tie your growth to things you cannot control.
This strikes me as incredibly sound advice if we are willing to recognize and heed the wisdom.
Some people would propose the list of things we cannot control includes the Entirety of Almost Everything.
I’m one of those people.
Anyone who spends any amount of time with me will, at some point, hear me declare, “Safety is an illusion. Control is its kissing-cousin."
That begs the question: What is in our control?
Our thinking. Not much else.
The good news is that our thinking directly influences how we feel. This, in turn, can influence what we choose to do (or not!).
The bad news is that very few of us are trained in the skill and process of meta-cognition: thinking about our thinking.
The very good news? Metacognition is a skill we can learn, practice, and refine over our lifetime. Like any muscle that is exercised regularly, capacity increases with use.
For the record, this is not a pitch (that comes at the end) for cringy, toxic positivity.
I am not a chipper person. Chipper gives me hives.
My humor (like many physicians) tends towards the far end of dark and twisty. Furthermore, I am hardwired with that special mom-of-4-boys capacity to be ten thousand miles down the road labelled All The Things That Will Kill Them Today while they’re still standing in my kitchen eating breakfast.
The key has been training myself to notice when I’m on that neuronal superhighway to nowhere, and to intentionally step into choice about my thinking. This is a learned and practiced skill, and it is one that has served me well this year. It also is a primary focus of my coaching and teaching, whether the goal is harm reduction and recovery or long-term strategizing.
Much has been studied and written about post-traumatic growth, and there is tremendous hope in our understanding that most people are resilient, and that most people recover and even grow after a trauma. The challenge this year is that the trauma has been relentless and pockmarked by very high-acuity spikes. The Tridemic of COVID19, violence and isolation has provided few opportunities for meaningful recovery - particularly for those on the frontline in any capacity.
Through it all, I’m noticing the emergence of a phenomena I’m calling intra-traumatic growth. Incredible personal, professional, and interpersonal growth is occurring even amid ongoing pain and harm.
Defragging the garbage in our unconscious operating systems is part of the learning process. Attuning to both our conscious and unconscious beliefs and biases allows us to then ask a crucial question: Is this operating system in service to me and who I want to be in the world?
We can learn to control our thinking. And our thinking is the key to our growth.
Here is The Pitch:
If you’re an experienced coach looking to expand the leading edge of your coaching skills to best facilitate Intra-Traumatic Growth in clients, Lodestar is offering two additional ICF Accredited Trauma-Mitigation Master Coach Training and TIPC™ certification opportunities in 2021. Classes are live and very small to facilitate deeply experiential learning. ICF 13 CC and 8RD hours; 17 Category 1 CME.
Curious and want to hear more? Catch this STaR Coach Podcast in which Coach Meg Rentschler and I discuss how to mitigate trauma through the coaching process.
And if you’re a professional in search of exceptional coaching to help navigate these times, reach out and schedule a free Discovery Call today. We have the coach you need.
And don’t forget to hydrate.